Here’s a character limit of 70.

And here’s a character limit of 140.

Milk goes off. Eggs go rotten. Even toilet paper would eventually fall apart if left unused. But digital data, that’s not something that ages. It’s not something that rots. It can’t possibly go off or expire. Your hard drive might eventually wear out and stop working, but if you’re smart and you’ve saved to the ‘cloud’, you’ll still be able to access your data.

We know this because it’s true. We know this because we are not stupid.

So then why are cellular network providers treating us like idiots. I smell something fishy.

I reached out to Vodacom, Cell C and MTN to try and solve this mystery. I’ve tried pickling data and freezing it, but nothing seems to work.

Only Vodacom attempted to reply and they were obviously confused at my intentions because they tried to sell me data.

In all seriousness though, we’re being ripped off again, here’s a more in depth look: Finance 24 – Heated debate over legality of data expiration

Tune in next week when I attempt to find out why my bank charges me to look at statements older than three months. Word has it they employ small boys to run the length of a giant storage warehouse where all our bank statements are kept in paper backups and then they type those statements back into the computer from whence they originally came. This explains the expense.

As a general rule I don’t make new year resolutions. I dislike new years celebrations in general, too many bad memories. I’m sticking to my guns and so what follows isn’t a list of resolutions and I won’t hold to them absolutely, but they are some goals and things to look forward to in 2016. Here’s to another 12 months around the sun.

1. Make a list ☑
2. Tick items on list as they’re completed ☑ (so far so good)
3. Write more on my blog & in other mediums (not sure if I should put a number here)
4. Complete ‘semi’ secret project One by April
5. Start on ‘semi’ secret project Two
6. Build a Aquaponics system
7. Create/Design my first weave
8. Learn isiXhosa (difficult one, I gave up learning years ago as I sucked)
9. Learn some signs (sign language)
10. Complete the Otter Trail
11. Upgrade/Fix my website
12. Help my wife fix her website
13. Increase vegetable production 10% from 2015
14. Teach old dog new trick (Ted needs a new trick)
15. Go on a holiday
16. Camping….

I’ll probably have to add to the list through the year, but that’s not a bad start.

Never mind the rampant corruption. Never mind our presidents big house paid for by our taxes. Never mind the crime. What follows is a horrifying list of all that is truly going wrong in our country.

• The Halal hot cross bun crisis
• The no more Christian magazine sales saga
• The hummingbird pillow huff
• The Frankie’s ginger ale trickery
• The no longer hiring white people saga
• The melodramatic milk saga
• There’s a frog in my salad
• Gross, I bit a condom in my sandwich
• There’s something other than ground up pig bits in my Frankfurter
• This faux fur seems really lifelike…
• The bread that went on a diet & lost weight saga.
• The baby-carrier Bugger-up
• Woolworths water is Thrash!

*I will attempt to keep this list up to date. Please let me know if I have left any out.

Fellow South Africans. This is a stair that moves. Although it goes by the name escalator, you can still walk up or down it like any other stairway. If you’re lazy, an idiot or unable to walk, please stand to one side (the left side) so that everyone else may pass you by. All around the World this is how escalators are used, we too can do it.

Tessa and I are off on a trip to Turkey, Italy and Thailand. The first holiday we’ve taken since our honeymoon. I’ll be trying to update this blog, my Twitter and Instagram… But I’ll probably be enjoying myself rather than making digital updates a priority.

Take care of yourself and always remember…

Today is the first Monday in six years that I haven’t had a job to go to. This fact has brought on an existential crisis. Am I self-employed or just unemployed? That is the question. Even my dog is a little confused to see me at home after eight and still in my pajamas. His stare is making me feel guilty, until I remember he spends his days sleeping, licking his balls and fetching his stick. I’ll be spending the rest of today contemplating the number 42.