Never mind the rampant corruption. Never mind our presidents big house paid for by our taxes. Never mind the crime. What follows is a horrifying list of all that is truly going wrong in our country.

• The Halal hot cross bun crisis
• The no more Christian magazine sales saga
• The hummingbird pillow huff
• The Frankie’s ginger ale trickery
• The no longer hiring white people saga
• The melodramatic milk saga
• There’s a frog in my salad
• Gross, I bit a condom in my sandwich
• There’s something other than ground up pig bits in my Frankfurter
• This faux fur seems really lifelike…
• The bread that went on a diet & lost weight saga.
• The baby-carrier Bugger-up
• Woolworths water is Thrash!

*I will attempt to keep this list up to date. Please let me know if I have left any out.

Fellow South Africans. This is a stair that moves. Although it goes by the name escalator, you can still walk up or down it like any other stairway. If you’re lazy, an idiot or unable to walk, please stand to one side (the left side) so that everyone else may pass you by. All around the World this is how escalators are used, we too can do it.